dog years: What I Learned During My Happyrobot Hiatus
I learned that I am a broom handle, unscrewed from its bristled base and lost from the back of a passing truck.
I learned that I can no longer hold my breath as long as I once could.
I learned that a flash of light may not always be a camera, but sometimes could be a soul finally giving up its search for a home.
I learned that, on some wooden boards, you can get a splinter if you rub your hand on its surface, in either direction.
I learned that I make the best chocolate milk.
I learned that, inside of my heart lives a former Secret Service agent named Truman.
I learned that, chicks dig graying temples.
I learned that I will never be good at anything in bed, other than sleeping.
I learned that I love my wife enough to keep trying.
And speaking of wife, I learned that without her, I would be a coward.
I learned that in order to be a good father, sometimes you have to pretend you are an actor in the role of a good father.
I learned that spending the 4th of July on Wrightsville Beach, lighting South Carolina firecrackers with a good Honduran cigar is as close to being Ernest Hemingway as I'll ever be.
I learned that I was born to race bicycles and the sooner I get back to it, the better I'll be for everyone around me.