1. “Ok, let’s see that’s one pair of finger nail clippers, one bag of Ricola lemon cough drops, one US magazine, and a box of Celestial Seasonings Hemlock Zinger.”—Harris Teeter, Athens, 399 BC.
2. “So, I guess you all better put your knifey thingies on the end of your gun tubes.”—Little Round Top, Gettysburg, July 2nd 1863.
3. “Here are your grade point averages. Mr. Kroger: two C's, two D's and an F. That's a 1.2. Congratulations, Kroger. You're at the top of the Delta pledge class. Mr. Dorfman? 0.2... Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son. Mr.Bush, president of Delta house? 1.6; four C's and an F. A fine example you set! Daniel Simpson Day... HAS no grade point average. All courses incomplete. Mr. Blu... MR.BLUTARKSY... ZERO POINT ZERO.”--- Yale University, New Haven Connecticut, 1968.
4. “Yes ma’am, could you tell me what your specials are today?”—Woolworth’s, Greensboro, February 1st 1960.
5. “SHULTZ!!!!!!”—German POW Camp, Bad Camberg Germany, 1945
6. “Jim, maybe it’s me, but I don’t think it’s healthy for your cat to eat so much lasagna.” –Marion Indiana, June 1st 1978
7. “Put ‘em in the cell next to Ol’ Awful Knofel.”—Butte Police Department, Butte, Montana 1956.
8. “Hey guys, this dude just handed me a bunch of brown acid…for FREE!” Bethel, NY August 15th, 1969
9. “So, what’s your address so I can pay you for the Wilco tickets?”—Apex, NC 2008
