So on my walk in to work today I picked up some health food. Specifically some day-quil, a pack of smokes, a Great One and a ham, egg, and cheese croissant from Dunkin' Donuts.
Usually I try to avoid fast-food chainy-type places like Dunkin' Donuts, but Dunkin' offers something that no one else does -- namely, the 32 oz. caffeine juggernaut known as the Great One.
Sometimes you just need something like that to get you through the day.
Annoyed enough with my general state of health by 8:30 this morning, I down my two day-quils with a sip of coffee. In a few minutes I'll be ready to roll all day long.
As I walk past the Dunkin' Donuts I notice that I latched my belt on a little too tightly. So I turn away from the street, undo my belt, and re-fasten it in the proper hole.
I didn't realize I was standing in front of a church. Nor did I notice the little old lady walking out of it.
She saw me right as I had unleashed my belt. Ugh. The old lady must think I'm flashing her.
The old lady flashed me a smile.
"Don't catch cold."
Nervously I turned and walked away.
"I'll try not to," I said, not looking back and walking rather quickly away from her.
But the old lady would not go away. She matched my pace and kept walking with me.
"So, nice day for a walk, eh?"
"Uh... I guess so." Of course, it's freakin' cold for April 2nd, but I wasn't about to make conversation.
"You walk this way often?"
This time I turned around to look at her, and she had this big ol' smile on her face.
The old lady was trying to pick me up!
Normally I would take this as a compliment. Who knows, normally, I might even have given her my phone number, depending on what sort of romantically challenged state I would have been in at the time. But today my head was throbbing and my nose was gooey and I just didn't want to deal with anything. I booked. She couldn't keep up with me.
A few minutes later, some guy on the street makes a clicking noise with his tongue. Twice. Startled, I looked up from my shoes and looked at the guy.
He winked at me.
What the hell? In the course of five minutes, two strangers had flirted with me. And I look like hell. My hair's too long, I'm unshaven, and my eyes are all glazed over. I look like Liam Gallagher after a two-day extacy binge on crack.
Still, it's nice to know I still got it.
I ignored the guy and just kept walking. Took another sip of my coffee. And that's when it all made sense.
Printed on my styrofoam coffee cup in bright orange letters was the sentence "This beverage is extremely hot."
Of course! The old lady and the guy, they weren't hitting on ME. They were hitting on my COFFEE! Because it's extremely hot!
