Never try to date your bank teller. Ever. They know exactly how much money you make.
I'm sorry, but "Groove is in the Heart" is a rockin' song.
Strangers - you are no longer allowed to bum cigarettes off of me. On the street. Outside the bar. Wherever. You get, like, a quarter of every pack I get. And where are you when I need one? I buy them to kill myself, not you. So slag off.
When all is said and done, Simultaneous Trigger Pull will be the best band in music history ever. The two guys who write their songs - absolute fucking geniuses.
My ass is damn hot. You should see it.
There are too many local bands who think they're Joy Division. And all the little hipster girls love 'em. Message to you: There was only one Joy Division, and you're not them. You're not even Interpol.
Speaking of Interpol - I'm convinced they named their album "Turn on the Bright Lights" because every song sounds like an alarm clock.
Speaking of hipster girls - just who the hell do you think you are, anyway?
Chris Benoit will win the Royal Rumble this Sunday, becoming only the second man (after Shawn "The Heartbreak Kid" Michaels) to go the distance - first entrant - and tear through all other 29 competitors to win.
Speaking of the Royal Rumble - if all the Democratic presidential candidates were to compete in the Royal Rumble, who do you think would win? My money's on the Honky Tonk Man.
I'm developing a no-carb, high-fat- all-Atkins beer made entirely of pork rinds and lard called LiverKill 3000.
Eggs are freakin' good for you. Never mind the cholestrol. Low fat. Lots of protein. And what are those fancy-something fatty acids that are you good for you? Lots of those too.
Did I mention protein?
If you took every girl I've ever gone out with and threw them all in a blender, you'd get Anne Heche.
I am going out tonight - somewhere - and having fun. And I promise not to leave anyone any drunken phone messages or Emails. And I mean it this time.
