That's right. I'm talkin' to you. Your cat. It's pinker than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. Redder than the Alabammer Crimson Tide. Farther left than Jim Abbott's hand.
All them damn cats are commies. Just ask 'em.
See, I woke up feelin' all patriotic an' shit today… you know, cuz the debates are tonight. Dee-mock-racy in action. Yeeah. Go Dream Team!
So I get up, and of course my girlfriend's cat is all hungry and stuff... So I get up to pet her (the cat) and I start wondering to myself, "hmm, I wonder how much this cat knows about American history."
I ask the cat "Hey cat! Who was the first president of the United States?"
Nothing. She just stares back at me, blankly, making motions towards her half-empty food dish.
So I try again.
"Okay cat. What's our National Anthem?"
I don't even get a tail wag.
"That's it", I tell myself. "This cat has one more shot to prove to me it's a tried-and-true red-blooded American cat, or it ain't getting' no food."
"Cat. Who's the current President of the United States?"
This time she bites me.
Well, fuck. Damn cat. Don't know where she came from.
Then it me.
"Hey cat! Who founded the People's Republic of China?"
Cat says, without missing a beat, "Mao."
Yep. Cat don't know George Washington but cat knows Chairman Mao.
So I give the cat some food, cuz, you know, it's hungry. She starts chompin' away.
I wanna see just what else she knows.
"Hey cat. What was the capital of the Soviet Union?"
Munching away, the cat answers "Moscow".
Yep. Mao and Moscow. Now for the final test.
"Cat - who wrote The Communist Manifesto"?
"Marx."
(Well, okay, it sounded a little more like "mowx", but I cut her some slack. She was eating.")
Now, I guarantee you, if you have a cat and you ask it these same three questions, it will know the answers. Then ask it who the first President of the United States was.
You'll find that your cat knows way more about communism than it does anything else.
