honky cracker: We Live In Apocalpytic Times Towards the end of Three Sisters, Tuzenbach stand with his fiancée, Irina, outside the back of her house. He goes on and on with some anxious drivel about how pretty the trees and talks some shit about birds. Irina stands idly by, indifferent. She doesn't love him. In fact, she feels nothing at all - either for him or anything else for that matter. That's just the way it is.
In a few moments, Tuzenbach will run of to duel with Solyony - an arrogant turn-of-the-century Russian forerunner of today's hipster - who rivals Tuzenbach for Irina's non-existent affections.
He loves Irina, Tuzenbach does. But it's hopeless. He can't win for her. For the life he wanted. Sure, he could have all that - her hand, the stupid trees, birds and such. But the kiss would always be cold.
H really liked those fuckin' trees, though.
"What trifles," he said to her. "What silly little things in life will suddenly, for no reason at all, take on meaning. You laugh at them, just as you always have and consider them trivial. And yet you go on, and you feel as though you haven't the power to stop."
And with that, he's off.
But he stops a few paces out and turns around.
If we live to see the other side of this, I will remember your kiss. So do it with your mouth open. And take your foot off of the brake for Christ's sake!*
But she just stands there, as she always has.
"Uh, there's some coffee in the kitchen. By the stove. Put some on for me"
"That was fun" she said about the old times, "when we threw snowballs on the beach in the middle of a blizzard after singing Cheap Trick songs at the karaoke.
Whatever happened to the good ol' days?"
Haven't heard from her in years. Yeah, we were tight but she was never one to open up. And nostalgia to her was for old folks in the home, with nothing to look forward to but some pudding the evening and some meds.
Again with the "whatever happened to..."?
She said "city center used to be the center of the scene. Now city center's over. No one really goes there". Then we used to drink beneath this railroad bridge. Some nights the bus wouldn't even stop.**
I did, however, used to be with her little hoodrat friend.
I'm in a movie and she tells me "God bless whiskey" and "I'm dyin' on the vine, and won't something please come and pull me off?"
It's from mom. Shoulda been from Dad, but that guy doesn't like to talk.
"Listen," she says "Gramma Honky's not doin' so well. Just seein' what you're up to, and wondering if you have any time off you might be able to take. Not that you need to right now. Just checkin'"
I never knew Grandma Honky. Not at all. I knew she had The Polio when she was young and lost the use of her left arm. Funny - both my dad and I tend to clutch our left arm to our respective chests when we get tense, like she does all the time. But that's about all.
I don't know her at all, but I'm 1/8 Her. Whenever I do something a little out-of-character or do something that surprises myself - whether it's good or bad, positive or negative - I like to think that came from. From that 1/8 of myself I know nothing about.
I'll skip the pleasantries. "It's been years" and all that shit.
"Listen," she says "I got a job for you to do out on the west coast. I'm going, and I'm going to need a partner creative-wise, and you've always kept me in check. You're perfect, and I'd like you to go with me."
Haven't spoken in years, and suddenly I'm the right guy at the right time. Wrong place, though. But I can change that. But geez, leave the city? Seriously, though. What the fuck.
We live in apocalyptic times.
* * * * * * * * * * *
I may not always love you. But as long as there's stars above you...
Monday morning. Slept too late. Fell asleep with the music on all night.
God only knows what I'd be without you...***
My smokes... Where are they? Ah. Left 'em on the windowsill in the living room.
Ah, the Cloisters. Look at 'em. The trees are all bare now. But Spring's on its way to wreak some havoc on us all. That'll be pretty Or not.
Stupid trees.
What trifles, what silly little things in life will suddenly, for no reason at all, take on meaning. You laugh at them, just as you always have and consider them trivial. And yet you go on, and you feel as though you haven't the power to stop.
It's time to go. So I go. But I stop and turn around back towards the window. Just for a second.
Everything dies, baby. That's a fact. But maybe everything that dies, someday comes back.****
* -- from "Dilauded" - Mountain Goats * *-- from "Your Little Hoodrat Friend" - The Hold Steady *** -- from "God Only Knows" - The Beach Boys **** -- "from "Atlantic City" -- Bruce Springsteen
