honky cracker: Guest Post from Tim - Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler You Old Sonnofabitch! I'm not sure if it is too early or not to attempt to interject humor into the Virginia Tech massacre that occurred on Monday of this week, but I'm going to try. Everything becomes funny over time. I tried to make a 9-11 joke the other day and it collapsed back in on me. And see, you won't believe me I'm sure, but that pun just now was completely unintentional until I saw what it was that I had typed. And decided to leave it. The 9-11 joke that I tried to make wasn't really a joke at all, it was more of a suggestion to make a wedding cake for this upcoming wedding look like the 9-11-01 Twin towers as they would have appeared at 8:46:30 a.m. on that morning. Basically the Twin towers with a plane sticking out of one of them. In 3-D. I'm not saying it's not tasteless, I'm saying that it has humorous value to it in a gag-like sense. My idea was summarily dismissed. Alright, it's too early, but I've got dibs on the Twin towers + plane wedding cake idea.
So then join me in bed this morning which should be for everyone in the EST the morning of April 20, 2007 - which parenthetically just so happens to be the birthday of history's most infamous mass killer, Adolf Hitler. I think that maybe Joe Stalin has a higher toll that AH, but who's counting. Who do I align myself with for number one, Hitler or Stalin? Now see the Holocaust is an historical event that is just waiting for a joke to me made in reference to, but it would be a career ender for sure. It would have to be someone of the same persuasion, religiously speaking. Henny Youngman could do it, but I'm not sure if he is Jewish. And he's dead, so that right there kills it. A Jewish comedian in 100 years could do it. Sacha Baron Cohen's grandson could pull it off. I'm not going to make any Holocaust jokes here at this time. Although, having my identity removed from this website against my will would be an interesting experience I am sure.
Back to my bed. The reason we are in my bed this morning is that is where I first started to think about all of this. This is the time of year for the Spring slaughter. I can only think of three major incidents of recent past. There must be more. April 19, 1995 Timothy McVeigh parks a Ryder truck packed with 5000 lbs. of NH4NO3 and some fuel oil in front of the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, OK. And we know the rest. April 20, 1999 in Jefferson County, Colorado, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold shoot twelve students and one teacher at Columbine High School. And just this week, April 16, 2007, Cho Seung-hui fatally shoots 32 people at a dormatory and in classes at Virginia Polytechnic Institute in Blacksburg, VA.
The question is, did Cho and Timothy (and Terry) blow their wads too soon, or is it just coincidental that this all happens in April? April 20, 1995 was a Thursday and April 20, 2007 is a Friday. Maybe they wanted the glory to themselves and didn't want to share it with AH. Whereas Eric and Dylan maybe chose their date out of some reference to OK City, but fucked it up somehow. April 19, 1999 was a Monday. I guess what is so curious to me in reference to mass murderers or to serial killers is what the hell is the matter in their brain? Because it's not just abuse, it is abuse plus some serious miswiring. And I don't even blame them for the act in and of itself. It must be hard to walk around in a miswired state with the memory of daddy's forefinger two knuckes deep into your mangina and so on and so forth. I just don't get why they kill innocent people. If you're going to kill people because you're that fucked in the head, at least pick someone who deserves a good killing. Is all we need is a list of people who are in desperate need of a good killing to be published somewhere public, like on a website, and then crazy fuckers from all over can access this list and choose who they would like to include in their big day. It might take some creativity on their part, but I'm guessing that the world would not have condemmed Cho, Timothy, Terry, Eric and Dylan so much if they had walked into the private home of Henry Kissinger and opened his nutsack with a rusty razor right before inserting a ballpoint pen into each of his auditory canals, through the tympanic membrane and past the blood-brain barrier. Deaths of Cambodian citizens as a result of American bombing campaigns during the Vietnam war are estimated to be in the 600,000 range. This is surely a low estimate given the displacement of 2 million Cambodians. If Adolf Hitler and H. Kissinger had ever met, would they have been friends? Aside from Kissinger being Jewish, that is. Do mass murderers enjoy the company of other mass murderers, or is it a loner culture? Eric and Dylan were pretty good friends, but they drove separate cars to school that day.
For the record, I am in no way condoning the abduction and murder of a former head of state here on this website, but it would make a good movie.
