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What I did for the 13th birthday of this website
(1/29/2012-2/5/2012)
Installed a new Stu (40%)
Spanking machine (25%)
Had a talk about the birds and the bees with it (20%)
Covered self in icing (10%)
Hung out in Newark (5%)



What we will learn once I release my tax returns and other financial documents
(1/22/2012-1/29/2012)
I do report my stunt bike riding winnings (35%)
I'm in some sort of sock-of-the-month club (25%)
Hush money paid to Stu (20%)
Kittens require a lot of toys (15%)
More spent on sandwiches that you'd expect (5%)



My strategy to win in the South Carolina primary
(1/15/2012-1/22/2012)
Accuse my opponent of allowing women to drive and hold jobs (54%)
Accuse my opponent of not being Jesus-y enough (31%)
Accuse my opponent of knowing a person of color (8%)
Accuse my opponent of not liking families (8%)



2012: So far
(1/8/2012-1/15/2012)
pretty lumpy (33%)
is a nice even number (25%)
all resolutions broken (25%)
awfully sexy (17%)



This year, I resolve to...
(1/1/2012-1/8/2012)
Be full of awe - some of the time (36%)
Be awesome but not in a boastful way (29%)
Be a bit more awesome (21%)
Be more awesome (14%)



Thanks for that
(12/25/2011-1/1/2012)
Kitten (28%)
Sexy stuff (28%)
Sweater (made of plastic) (22%)
Contribution made in my name to that presidential campaign (22%)



Atop my Christmas Tree
(12/18/2011-12/25/2011)
Kitten! (47%)
Chewbacca Angel (37%)
Jon (11%)
Ponch (5%)



Jesus is the reason for the
(12/11/2011-12/18/2011)
Sleestaks (40%)
Screaming (30%)
Lesions (20%)
Great quarterly earnings report (10%)



I wonder how Danny Chambers is doing.
(12/4/2011-12/11/2011)
Hot dogs. (57%)
Stop it. You're being mean. (14%)
Dranks. (14%)
Taking a zero. (14%)



Reasons why California is better than your state
(11/27/2011-12/4/2011)
It's far from Pennsylvania (39%)
Attractive immigrants (33%)
Very sharky (17%)
Sunsets over the ocean (11%)



The reason why the turkey is dry, according to my idiot Uncle Carl
(11/20/2011-11/27/2011)
"Your sister probably gayed up the turkey" (58%)
"Michelle Obama is all up in our food" (17%)
"The mainstream media will never allow a businessman to be elected president" (17%)
"Too much regulation on turkey producers" (8%)



What should we name this cat?
(11/13/2011-11/20/2011)
Klutchy (33%)
Tiny Mountain Lion (27%)
Hardcastle (27%)
Little Stu (13%)



The name of my new podcast
(11/6/2011-11/13/2011)
Speaking of Stu (62%)
Lima Bean Robot Taco Hour (23%)
Funny Times with Gary (8%)
Cat Chat (8%)



My Halloween Costume
(10/30/2011-11/6/2011)
Sexy Pulled Pork Sandwich (50%)
Sexy Sex (21%)
Zombie Vampire (unsexy) (14%)
Sexy Bigfoot (14%)



If I was a Top Gun pilot, my nickname would be
(10/23/2011-10/30/2011)
Julie (36%)
Cheesus (29%)
Dander (21%)
Gamecock (14%)



Other streets I occupy and/or names of the movie I just watched on the hotel pay-per-view:
(10/16/2011-10/23/2011)
The Fast and the Curious (59%)
Wall to Wall Balls Street (18%)
State Road #281 (18%)
Taco Street (6%)



As a Values Voter, my most important value is to
(10/9/2011-10/16/2011)
hate those immigrants and the gays (38%)
spread rumors that Obama is Mormon (25%)
be the village idiot (25%)
watch a lot of television (12%)



What I did this past weekend
(10/2/2011-10/9/2011)
Ate tacos every day (88%)
Rock and rolled all night (12%)



When they talk about Rick Perry, I always think they are talking about
(9/25/2011-10/2/2011)
Steve Perry (44%)
Rick James (31%)
Jesus Christ (12%)
Me (12%)



When we were married 11 years ago...
(9/18/2011-9/25/2011)
People lived near the water (55%)
People were shorter (45%)




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