honky cracker: On Sucking In case you didn't notice, the Indianapolis Colts - heavy favorites to win the Super Bowl - lost in the first playoff game of their season. This should come as no surprise, as every year Payton Manning finds a new way to lose in the playoffs.
This year, his brother Eli got in on the action as well, leading my New York Giants to their first playoff shutout defeat in 20 years. He helped the offense by throwing 3 (3!) interceptions.
It seems as though, for the Manning brothers, whenever something serious is on the line, they find a way to blow it. They just scramble around, calling audibles and changing things up like nervous little hooligan boys trying to get away from the cops. It's inevitable, and kind of fun to watch.
Which means that it must have been interesting watching them as they were growing up. I just imagine them completely screwing up in serious, life-or-death situations.
PAPA ARCHIE: Uh-oh! Mom's going into labor! PAYTON and ELI: Quick! To the Manningmobile! PAYTON: Okay. Dad, hand me the keys. Eli, you help dad get mom in the car. Sit in the front with me. I'll drive. You navigate.
moments later
ELI: Okay, just take a left here. And then a right. PAYTON: All right, Eli. Excellent! Now you help mom out of the car. Take her to the counter and help her fill out the withdrawl slip. I'll find parking, and then I'll come inside and take over from there. MAMA MANNING: Why did you take me to the bank? PAYTON and ELI: (slapping their faces with both hands) O DIOS MIO!
Of course, any conversation about sucking has to involve the Duke University men's basketball team. JJ Redick has been getting a lot of play around here lately. Have I mentioned that he sucks?
I'm trying to decide who sucks more - JJ Redick or Christian Laettner.
I hope years from now, the two of them get together often to sit around and talk about how much they suck.
CHRISSY LAETTNER: Hey, JJ. Remember when we used to suck? JJ: Yes, Chrissy. Yes I do. CHRISSY: Remember the time you blew that game and lost to UConn in the Final Four, then refused to shake their hands after the game, walking away like a little boy who didn't get the big shiny toy for Christmas? JJ: Yes I sure do! Remember the time when Rod Sellers slammed your Gucci little fat face into the floor? CHRISSY: Yup. JJ: Those were good times. CHRISSY: Yes they were. JJ: God, we suck.
