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Nutshell Kingdom: On My 21st Birthday
2005
It was bad....
1. In an effort to get me drunk, the Schlitz Malt Liquor bull crashed through my sad plaster apartment wall; leaving me scared, wall-less, and uninsured (who has renter's insurance at that age?)
2. I could not find my shoes for hours.
3. A butterfly somewhere smashed on the windshield of a massive truck smuggling teenage prostitute runaway slaves with babies.
4. George Bush was president.
5. A murder of crows formed in an ominous row near my bank and scared me so bad couldn't use the ATM.
6. Drank Strawberry Hill wine out of cracked coffee cups with my girlfriend and (unbeknownst to me) the man she was sleeping with behind my back.
7. My uncle finally fulfilled his plot to poison my father and marry my mother...and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it but sulk for many months.
8. Strange letter in the mail made me doubt the very date of my birth, calling entire day into question.
9. I hadn't yet learned to like the taste of beer. Sad.
10. Stu and Chris showed up and just sat around listening to Grateful Dead records and eating my food and talking about how we should have hired a stripper. Dude.
There was alot of good stuff too, but c'mon people - I can't remember everything!
