Post-Modern Drunk: Mirror Universe Stu
There is a man on the other side of the country, in Washington State. He shares my name. He is only three months younger than me. He smokes, but only socially. He drinks, but only socially. He is married, with no kids. He dropped out of college. We've never talked and never met, but he doesn't know his email address all that well, and since he has the same name as me, and my email address is [firstname.lastname@gmail.com], he sometimes gives my email instead. I get receipts and messages for him occasionally.

And yesterday he decided to try to cheat on his wife.

I know this because he used my email address on his MySpace account and Adult FriendFinder account, and the confirmation email from AFF included his password in plaintext. His password is "fuckthis123." Did I mention he dropped out of college? I find that tidbit about him the least surprising thing that I learned from his Adult FriendFinder account.

I didn't look into this intending to stalk the guy. I just wanted to find out an alternate email address so I could contact him and let him know that he should be much more careful in the future, and maybe learn his fucking email address since it's maybe the most important string of alphanumeric characters out there if you want to find random people to fuck you without your wife ever finding out. Somehow I don't think a guy too incompetent to set up his cheat-on-his-wife account is going to be a kind and attentive lover, but this aspect of adultery on the down low is new to me, so who knows?

So of course I'm a little irritated about this. I spent a good hour looking up to see if I could find any information on this guy that would enable me to contact him, and I struck out on that, so I'm thinking I should send him a note or something. I'm wondering the best way to do that. The first thing that's sprung to mind would be to set change his profile in a way to mock him.

Perhaps something like, "I'm Firstname Lastname, and I'm too stupid to know my own email address. I accidentally used someone else's email and sent him my password instead. I can't be trusted to have an affair with. I can't even be trusted to drive a keyboard properly, so I should be thankful that I can at least get porn off the internet and be thankful that no one has bothered to tell my wife yet, who doesn't deserve an asshole like me. A/S/L?"

Really. I don't think it's too much to ask for a guy to have his email address memorized.

So now I'm receiving MySpace and Adult FriendFinder messages intended for him. What should I do with it?

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