Post-Modern Drunk: The Loneliness of Being Madonna
It is completely unfair to single Madonna out for criticism on her age for performing during the Super Bowl Halftime Show. The Who, Tom Petty, the Stones, and dozens of other musicians have performed on that stage without the same level of critism that Madonna received for her performance.

The criticism seems to spring from the fact that Madonna didn't have the good graces to appear to be as old as, for instance, the dessicated mummy in the shape of Keith Richards that performed a couple of years ago. But Prince performed a couple of years ago without any complaints--they're roughly the same age, and while Madonna allegedly has her age and good looks preserved by fitness, mysticism, and clean living, Prince has had his good looks preserved by his harnessing of the vast amounts of sex energy produced by his music which are then collected in Minneapolis-based orgon accumulators. They're more or less the same, but Madonna alone has received criticism for this.

I say that her fitness and apparent youth is "allegedly" a result of her fitness and mysticism and healthy lifestyle not to imply that she's had work done. I think it's much more simple than that. There are either two options.

First: Madonna has used her vast wealth to shop at the very same art dealer that Dorian Gray shopped at. My theory is that this painting walks among us as Steven Tyler, aging instead of Madonna. This explains why Steven Tyler looks more or less like the villain from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade ten seconds after he drank from the false holy grail.



The other, more likely explanation is that "Madonna" is not actually a single person, but a title, like "Dread Pirate Roberts" that is handed down every ten years to a new person who then takes up the role and carries on the tradition. This is why "Madonna's" music evolves so completely and abruptly from time to time. This also explains why none of Madonna's relationships ever last all that long. Different versions of Madonna have been interested in different people. The Sean Penn Madonna was eventually phased out for the Warren Beatty Madonna, who never even got to meet the Guy Ritchie Madonna.

Frankly, I'm mostly just impressed the newest Madonna was able to perform the hits of all her predecessors. That, more than anything, is the real story here. 

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