Post-Modern Drunk: An Engagement FAQ
So, now you're engaged?
Yes, we're now engaged.

Go on.
That's not a question.

You little shit. Okay. When did this happen?
It happened a week Friday, when we went up to Blue Hill at Stone Barns for our third anniversary celebration. If you want to be really specific, it happened between the 8th and the 9th course.

You're really going to make me dig, aren't you? How did you do it?
There is no elaborate story beyond that for the proposal: I just waited for a break in the conversation, reached my hands across the table, and asked. Yes, I know, as a spectator that comes off a bit disappointing. Still, it's our engagement, not yours, and I am almost deathly allergic to the proposal-as-performance-art process. If you like, you can pretend that the entire Blue Hill at Stone Barns was part of a spontaneously, exquisitely plotted flash mob to emulate a four star restaurant full of rich people utterly and completely oblivious to our love. It was a statement on the 1% and how little they care for all of us. Occupy Blue Hill! Anyway, she had no idea it was coming. However, of course, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think she would say yes.

And what did she say?
She said yes. If she'd said no, we'd be having a very different conversation right now.

So, what kind of ring did you get her?
There is no ring. It's kind of a long story, but she doesn't wear rings. My attempt to discover what size ring she wears--made during her sister's wedding when she received a family ring as a gift--was completely and totally thwarted when she said she would be wearing her inherited ring around her neck, if at all, and she didn't even know her ring size. Anyway, there is allegedly another inherited ring with a diamond in her family that I may, potentially, be able to get re-set that will become our engagement ring. If that ring can't be found, well, then I'll need to get an engagement ring. I hope that ring can be found--it's kind of the difference between me looking like a thoughtful gentlemen respecting the tradition and lineage of her family, vs. me being a cheap bastard who freaked out about his inability to figure out what the hell type of engagement ring to buy.

When are you going to have the wedding?
We're going to have a moderately long engagement. I'd say at the very earliest, we'd be looking at Fall 2013. We're not summer people (I explode into ash from direct sunlight, and she gets upset when I explode into ash from direct sunlight), so we're looking at, right now, finding a place kinda near but not in NYC where we can assemble a yet-to-be-determined number of our friends and family.

Anything else to add?
I've found I'm really only able to say the word "fiance" the same way that Holly Hunter says it in Raising Arizona. That's not exactly surprising, but "fiance" seems like a more real word than "fiancé."

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