Post-Modern Drunk: Advice for Singles
Yeah, I know, I know. Getting advice from me on this subject is like looking for health advice from Dr. Mengele--sure, there's some experience there, but you can't help but wonder if the experience and advice might really be more helpful for a different final solution.

But here it is, regardless.

I just moved into a new apartment this past weekend, and have been slowly unpacking and settling into my new space. The biggest step, after making sure all my books were safe and happy on their shelves, was to unload, fold, and hang up my clothes, which I attempted to do yesterday evening. Knowing my inherent laziness, I up-ended the suitcase I had full of my clothes onto my bed, in an attempt to force myself to have to deal with it before I went to sleep.

Instead, I spent five half-hearted minutes hanging things up, and then just slid the clothes over to one side to leave myself enough space to curl up and sleep for a solid six hours.

I must say, it's kind of comforting having a mound of clothes next to you: like sleeping next to another person (in my case, at least, a particularly poorly dressed and wrinkled person). I'm sure with the proper amount of planning, you could wash and dry your clothes, and the warmth pouring off of the pile would properly emulate being next to another warm body...and if you leave out the Bounce dryer sheets, you might also be able to mimic the spark and frisson of being next to a loved one.

Just food for thought. It's cheaper and much easier than buying a Real Doll. Easier to hide in the closet, too, if someone happens to stop by unannounced.

This has been your Post-Modern Drunk Service Announcement of the day.

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the flaming r. kelly random ten (10/28/05)				aussies in the snow

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