Post-Modern Drunk: A Real Tom and Jerry Story


Buster-our female cat, and yes, we know that's a "guy's" name, but only because of Buster Keaton and the fictional character from Arrested Development, I mean, no one you know in "real life" is actually named Buster, right? and it's fully okay for us to name our cat "Buster" even though she's female, with nipples and all, and yes, apparently, I'm a little defensive about this, why do you ask?-has been unable to fulfill one of her primary cat-duties.

We have mouse problems.

Giff and I have only one problem with the mouse-and that is its existence in our house. Our cat, Buster, however, has a separate mouse problem. She has no issue catching the mouse. She has done so twice, in fact. She just has a problem killing the mouse and depositing it somewhere appropriate. Each time, she brings it to us-the first time unleashing it on us in bed, which ended with me standing up five feet from where I had been a moment before, and Giff on the floor, having somehow fallen on Buster even though they'd been on opposite sides of the bed only moments before.

Adrenaline tends to wipe out short term memory.

The second time, Buster brought the mouse to me while I was at the computer-I heard a muffled meow and turned around to see the mouse sticking out of Buster's mouth, wiggling in a resigned half-hearted way. Apparently, Buster interpreted my manly standing-atop-my-desk-chair-and-shouting-loudly as, "You can let the mouse go, Buster. I can handle this from here."

The mouse scampered off happily.

We occasionally find Buster these days staring resolutely at the area beneath the stove, or around the radiator. She's determined to get this right. I only wish she could speak English, as I believe one of the things I said from atop-the-desk-chair, was "Dear God kill that fucking thing Buster oh my god!"

Which seems to be fairly clear instructions.

If only Rich's cat could teach Buster that mice make good soup.

Nevertheless, Buster is a very good kitty, and we make sure to tell her that every chance we get.

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