Post-Modern Drunk: Commute, a Play in One Act
[The Scene: The Brooklyn Bridge, on a 90 degree, 90% humidity morning, after a torrential downpour has flooded the subway and reduced all commuters to using surface transport.

The Cast
ME: Post-Modern Drunkard, on a nice but not-terribly-expensive road bike, trying to get to work.
GUY ONE: A white guy, late teens, wearing a baseball cap backwards, a new "I <3 NY" t-shirt, who enjoys walking in bike lanes and staring blankly.
GUY TWO: White guy, late teens, wearing a baseball cap backwards, a new "I <3 NY" t-shirt, who enjoys walking next to bike lanes, staring blankly, and masturbation.]

ME: On your right!
Bike lane!
On your right!
Pardon me!
Bike lane!

[GUY ONE refuses to get out of the way.]

ME: [Slowing, but not stopping] Learn to read! Bike lane!
[pointing towards bike lane sign] It's written in pictures, sound it out!

GUY ONE moves out of the way, to avoid me hitting him.

GUY ONE: I'll fucking kill you!

GUY TWO: I'll fucking kill you too!

ME: On your right!

[Exeunt]

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