The shitty thing about illness, which I suppose is not really a deep thought but at least it's one I never had before, is that once you beat back illness, you don't win anything. There's no prize for a particularly well-fought battle against illness. Except, of course, you get your life back, if you work for it. Which is great, but still kind of a consolation prize, since you had that before you started it. There's no medal, no trophy, you don't even get a t-shirt. I got Staph Infective Endocarditis and all I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt Which Covers My Open Heart Surgery Scar. I don't know. I spent the last six months with this shit, fighting against it--it feels like I should get something in return other than the ability to go back to my normal life and try to gain back the 60 pounds I lost over the course of the months.