Post-Modern Drunk: Better Off Dead
My first college girlfriend and I were not meant for each other. I didn't date anyone in college who was meant for me, but this was a particularly egregious case. Usually, with the women I've dated, I at least have some idea why we dated, but that wasn't the case with Amy. If I had to hazard a guess, I'd say we dated because she liked me. That seems to be the case with nearly all of my relationships: someone takes a shine to me and goes out of their way to win my heart, to break through the defensive screen of obliviousness that I have. It rarely works the other way around.

Anyway, somehow, Amy and I started hanging out, and then one of us kissed the other, and then we were dating. It was a pretty tame relationship. We chatted a lot online. We kissed. I never stayed in her room, and she never stayed in mine. We never slept together. We might have been in college, but our relationship was pretty Junior High. It was like we were imposing our own curfews on ourselves. Oh well. She was funny and smart and the kissing was nice.

That was about it, though. After a couple of months, we started to realize we didn't have much in common beyond being funny and smart and enjoying kissing. There's only so far a relationship can go if that's all there is to it. In a totally cliche move, I started to really get into the works of Nietzsche, which conflicted with her Lutheran upbringing. I never came out as an atheist to her until she was breaking up with me (a move that I repeated a year later with my second college girlfriend, this one a Catholic). She broke up with me on a cold night in February. I didn't want to break-up, but it was probably for the best.

I went to Wal-Mart. I bought caffeinated water, ramen, and coffee, and used the caffeinated water to make both ramen and coffee. I stayed up all night. I watched Better off Dead, which is one of those movies I can watch once a year for the rest of my life and be happy.

The next day, I ran into Amy before class. I hadn't slept, but I rarely slept, so that was okay. We made small talk. She asked how I was. I told her how I stayed up all night, and how I watched Better off Dead, and she said, "Well...okay. I hope that's not actually how you feel."

I laughed at her. I mean, really laughed in her face. I told her "I think you vastly over-estimate yourself."

We never spoke again.

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