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ahhh Sunday. I found a really nice episcopal church to go to. There service. I would have to skedaddle in thirty mins. Realizing the cat is the external emotional regulator default mode. Realizing there is a part of me that wants to die and give up and disappear and this part gets a lot of airplay in my puppetry. I don't think about this thing called "the future" except as an abstract constant press of pressure to do it correctly. Pragmatically, I've always delegated that task - outsourced it to the man in my life. I've been married for 13 years total to two men. This last one was my compromise (spit out bitter blood) whom I was accepting because he loved me so damned dearly and truly and finally and I was aging out of the ring. I was tired and he did all the work for me. I'm haunted by the commas to which I never attended. Dangling prepositions all the way.
I've sold all there is to sell.
I know what it's like to be in jail.
Judge a way for me back into
my alms
Judge away ami.
Judge a way towards me.
again, learning all I can pointing the finger
at my own shame.
Judge away my pal.
we're making a H.A.L.
Hoping you will understand my time out from
the field of play
today
Learning all I can to find my way back
to my name.
there - Sunday song done.
Ah writing to you ether. I still think of the cyberarcheologists of the future and how I could be a sappho.
and I'm so freaking nervous and unsure of
my next move.
I know I'm leaving my cat for five days. Her heating pad broke.
she has a sitter who cares about her. there is only one way I can know
and that's to use this as a gift to scout ahead.
If it's my mom I want to be nearer to, macon's a hard move because of the lack of time with her. Because of my beloved cat - she would not be cool with being left for overnight all the time. I think of this cat as very hypervigilent. Her kitten hood formed her - she came from the streets and survival. It took a week to get her out from under the bed.
What would I do as a complete solo player with funds aplenty?
I'd buy a car. I'd hole up in macon, and I'd see if e might like road trips after a while.
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