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Jump.
Is it normal to be mad when you jump? to leap and do the whole gamut - tears, joy, sex, masturbation, life, entreaty, excess.
(Do you think of Teddy and the empty cement pool on the ship in the middle of the sea?)
So, I hop out. I have a napsack worth of things.
Every time I leave my home lately - it's been with a sigh and a pat.
I am alone. I read my books.
I am likely mad.
Spinning in my own thoughts of mistakes and missteps and missunderstandings.
Is it true? Is my truth flawed and therefore I canna have it?
I head to the sea and that's what I see. Today it was aqua and light light blue. I couldn't see the oil tankers in the distance today - but I hardly know if I looked.
I'm in a funk.
Where am I? Did I jump and now I'm crawling up the cliff again? or was it a traume and I never jumped.
Have I ever jumped.
Only I can tell you, and I never tell you everything.
I can't. I would try. I would splay my entire soul before your body to examine. I want to be thoroughly examined.
but loved.
always loved.
Light and dark.
grapple.
There is a black cloud over my head today.
Will it dissipate? godwilling.
Love.
Fools go alone? What is necessary for me?
I am mortally confused.
Retreat and Entreat.
My fangers are heavy and this morning is in me. Is there a lifeline?
Fools close eyes and jump.
Fools are mad.
So many words, and yet within that place of which I learned.
So much of what I want.
I will shower tonight.
Even this, I have an urge to erase.
Jump.
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