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And she sees the leaves dropping from the trees - subtly. It's almost impossible to capture, yet every time she does "time time time".
She has a lot on her plate today - so much worrying to do, yet one of the hugest is which bathing suit - which maillot. She stared at the pressed daisy that freaked him out and decides that she likes it ok.
Ok, also.
She'll describe the bathing suits for your minutiae.
One has wide straps and is more of an orange yellow. she has already ordered it. The other is something fucking robot sprang her way and she has yet to order it, but she flipped the coin and it came up "do it".
seriously. such considerations.
how could she justify? she was so skilled at justifying almost anything.
setting your cap towards someone was so expensive.
dating seemed so expensive.
she liked to pay as it meant to her that she was beholden to nada.
and the orange yellow would be fine. why was she so worried?
because she fucking cared.
as she's written five million thousand times, the thing that stimulates her the most is - the you. She is surrounded by yellow she realizes: the mug, the dress, the jacket draping her chair. Did it mean anything? did anything?
She sat bemused that she may be going to fucking Florida in two weeks. it seemed very odd. The butterbeans were cooking on the stove. she hoped to try and lose a smidgeon of weight afore the possible big event.
And she couldn't believe it would happen. It might be something that he would change his mind on, but also it seemed kind of real. She loved the Manuel Alvarez bravo photo she had in front of her desk. It was 25 years old or more. She only knows this because she and her husband went to the Getty and she was moved to buy his postcards. She's a sucker for bold women and black and white.
There's a chance she was making a deal-breaking mistake by not buying the newly-discovered new suit, but it also was quite likely it didn't really matter much. The thing she was after was the play - the complete alchemy of feeling comfortable with someone so much that she was able to forget the constant scrutiny of every projected aspect of herself.
what if he liked her as much as she liked him?
when would she know.
she spins it around in her head after the twelfth drink or twenty she was brave enough to pose the question.
"wow, was that a compliment?! did you just compliment me?"
"what do you mean? I compliment you all the time?"
"really? you really think so. What's a compliment you've given me. I would love to hear. I definitely do not think of you as an effusive woo-er."
"well, I compliment you with my presence."
"isn't that the same compliment I give you? what's more."
But she also modified it with extreme gratitude that he logged in the driving hours to be in her court.
"that's not really what I mean. I mean of course I am driving more than you, but I meant more that if I didn't like you, I wouldn't be here. You keep intriguing me more and more."
She swooned a bit, and didn't want him to think it embarrassing that she was so gratified at this straw to grasp.
"you want more? I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go to Florida with me in two weeks. You don't have to, and I know you have work, but I have to do some errand for my mom's funeral. If you go, I'll drive. if you don't, I'll fly."
She hit the floor.
"wait what? that's quite a test. We'll either break or move forward."
"I know. I can always drop you on the side of the road with an airline ticket."
"I can always just rent a car from wherever and come back home if I want."
"so, there."
"yes".
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