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Cootie Girl: Chuck the YARD O' BEEF
10.15.2002
I am not sure what it was but it seemed that all my conversations yesterday somehow all ended on the topic BEEF. This makes me laugh because every time I think of beef I think of Chuck - my YARD OF BEEF. (A true story)
A bunch of my friends moved out to San Francisco a while back. One Holiday season they decided to send me this YARD OF BEEF along with a box of those little chocolate liquor bottles. Real chocolate covering liquors like Grand Marnier and Stoli Orange. I wasn't quite sure what to make of this gift. Did they want me to get tanked on the chocolates then party with the YARD OF BEEF??? I mean it wasn't as if we went out on BEEF runs or had BEEF parties or talked about BEEF for hours on end. So, I wasn't quite sure what the humor was behind this gift. All I could think of is that it must have been a San Fran thing. (NOTE: This is not an actual photo of the YARD OF BEEF you have to imagine it bigger, longer and about 3lbs. Yeah baby!)
After a week or so, I decided that I would take this YARD OF BEEF out with me and keep a photo journal. I wanted to show the kids back in SF what they were missing here in hopes to get them to move back. I named the YARD OF BEEF Chuck and I carried him around for about 4 months. I took him bowling, to the park, to parties, bars, malls, everywhere you name it. It's amazing how popular he became. He was photographed with many people (most who I don't even know) and was a great conversation piece when out on the town. Friends of mine wanted to do more, they wanted to make Chuck a celebrity, develop a web site maybe even do a mini series. It sort of all got out of hand and after 4 months out on the town, Chuck got pretty rank. Something had to be done.
I didn't have the heart to throw Chuck away, so he is now buried in the back of my freezer under a block of ice. I guess he will have to go when the refrigerator does. I still have fond memories out with Chuck. He inspired such phrases like: "Wow I was just slapped by 3lbs of meat!" "Is that a YARD OF BEEF in your pocket or are you just happy to see me." "I got your BEEF right here." And the ever popular "That's a lot of MEAT!"
I know I still have the photos somewhere along with a story. If I ever find Chuck's pictures, I will turn them into a slide show. Who knows he may even get resurrected for the sequel "The YARD OF BEEF Returns." (ok I just scared myself)
On a side note: My SF friends didn't think my day in the life of Chuck was compelling enough to move back. Those wacky kids!
